Thoughts A much needed session with Richard, after many weeks feeling lost and putting in all of my effort but not really getting anywhere. This session helped to simplify things a bit for me which has been a relief. Previously, I was considering having my case study analysis running through the dissertation where they appeared most relevant, i.e Aldous Huxley literature case study to appear in the "Hippie" main body section of my essay (technically within context and themes) before moving on to talk about modern day psychedelic medicine. It does all link writing like this as the flow is continuous and it will have obvious relevance to the points I am making in that section. However, this way of including my case studies throughout instead of dedicating a separate chapter to them (chapter 3) - obviously goes against the dissertation structure we have been given which has been confusing me. I couldn't see a way past this after being entirely focused for so long on one thing, but Richard quickly cleared this up for me by explaining how I can approach my case studies in keeping with the structure. Instead of talking about the hippie counter culture and embedding my relevant Aldous Huxley case study (for example) within this section to align with the points I have made, I just use the Hippie section to make my points and "lay the ground work" as it were - to then reflect upon these points when I come to do my case study analysis as part of chapter 3. I don't know why I didn't make sense of this sooner as it feels extremely obvious to me now - but by writing this way, I don't need to make all of my points or include all of my research within the context and themes chapter. I can now spread my research and information out by laying the groundwork in context and themes chapter 2 and picking up / make extra points within my case study analysis in chapter 3. YAY! Other things to consider:
Amazing praise for the extent of my contextual knowledge, I just need to find a way to fit it all in coherently and concisely to do it all justice - Richard understands that this will not be easy.
Case study decisions:
- Aldous Huxley literature - Shamanic ancient cave artwork / carvings - Psychedelic art work
The last case study (psychedelic artwork from the counterculture era) is to the lay the groundwork for chapter 4 - reflective practice. Where I can use this example to contrast with what I am trying to attempt as a practical solution to this research project - in other words this case study provides an example of what i DON'T want to do within my work - (Stereotypically psychedelic, impersonal etc)
I am running out of time now therefore I need to have a finalised essay draft for 2 weeks time when we next meet (So much needs to be done and due to my struggling with it all - Richard understands that Sundays interim submission will not be a completed draft)
We are both still having difficulties with the practical solution. Medical / personal psychedelic experiences and testimonials to respond visually are sparse and extremely difficult to get hold of despite my efforts at primary research - therefore i need to find a practical solution, with or without this testimonial approach.
At this stage in my research it is becoming clear that finding relevant examples of peoples personal / medical / spiritual journeys through the use of psychedelic substances is difficult. The type of case studies and testimonial examples of psychedelic experiences I want are those where the person has achieved something positive from their experience, the most obvious of which is medical benefit - either overcoming depression, PTSD, anxiety, addiction, fear of death and pain relief / cancer tumour treatment. The reason these types of case studies are beneficial to my research project is that they hold the potential of directly challenging the negative stigmas society has of these substances, challenging the laws in place controlling use, providing a personal insight into someones journey ultimately liberating and re-humanising the beneficial effects of psychedelic drug use as well as the illnesses encountered by many people in society. I know there are amazing, personal and enlightening stories out there - the medical facts emerging suggest the profound benefits - however much of this is kept confidential due to the medical confidentiality between therapist, doctor and patient. Many of the reports I have found so far don't necessarily touch on these issues, found through underground psychedelic blogs and forums or sensationalised in the media - many draw more on the recreational use instead of the medical and personal / emotive insight into benefit and lose he personal connection I am looking for. The controversy is also playing a big part in this struggle - people don't seem as willing to part with personal information on the subject, especially in this country where the law still has a prominent role in the way we value / devalue these substances. Its not like I can go out into the public or hospitals to ask people for their accounts - we don't treat people in hospitals with psychedelics yet and no one speaks openly of treating/self-medicating themselves medically with substances that 1: aren't legal, and 2: have such a stigma still attached. Potential ways around this: Instead of branching out publicly in person, i could use the internet and media to my advantage. I have found a few advocates of medical psychedelic use who speak openly to the media about their experience. Instead of using their primarily impersonal accounts - as featured in online news articles or on blogs - I could contact them directly via email and ask for a much more personal, detailed account. I could also contact psychotherapists and advocates of medical psychedelic use in this country and abroad (where it is legal and where studies are being carried out) and *cheekily* ask if they could put me in touch with anyone who wouldn't mind me contacting them to find out more about their journey. Obviously I would need to make clear that I am not a journalist and that keeping their identity anonymous is a priority. So thats the plan and hopefully in doing this I will eventually find what I am looking for. It may be too late to include these findings in my dissertation, however the main reason for this research is to find detailed, descriptive, personal accounts that I can respond to for the practical part of this project. If all else fails and too much time ticks on - I may just have to go with what I find online at face value. Less personal overall - but any account of medical psychedelic substance use and what this experience has achieved for the subject is better than nothing at all.
This post is an attempt to put into perspective the sheer amount of research I have been doing for this project. It would be impossible for me to post on my blog everything I have been reading and taking notes from and I don't want all these hours of effort to be overlooked. I lost myself somewhere in all of this research, becoming debilitated and confused - unable to write coherently due to the pressure I put on myself and the sea of information in my head. This has of course had adverse effects with me slowly slipping further and further behind while I try my hardest to fight my way through it all. I admit I have been trying to do too much as I cannot include it all in my dissertation, however the feats I have made in an attempt to direct my research project have been huge. The below info doesn't do all my work justice in the slightest or even cover half of what I have been doing, however this brief unloading should hopefully make me feel a little lighter, more positive and help me to reflect. Note:Instead of it all just sitting on my computer with no one aware of the mammoth task I have undertaken, this is in a way a post for myself - to highlight the achievements I have made and appreciate the amount of hours I have dedicated to this module. Books Having stuck to my initial reading list I made at the beginning of this semester, this stack of books has been a lifeline and I have been dipping in and out of them continuously. (I ran out of sticky notes a long time ago and yes I have read nearly all of these back to back this semester.) My life... Bookmarks As I attempt to write my dissertation - my bookmarks list is where I live. I had a list of relevant sources and information for this project that was so long I could no longer add to it, therefore in an effort to get my head around all of this information - I had to sort it and I did this by making folders relevant to the points/sections I wanted to cover in my essay. These folders contain everything from case studies, scientific reports, journals, books, websites, blogs - you name it its there.
... There are another 18 bookmark folders...but I think you get the gist and Im tired of screen-shots. Written Documents From all of this information, I have been continuously writing - and I mean I have been non stop. I may be struggling to find a way to write concisely and include all of the information I would like, however the following documents cover the work I have put in so far, by way of notes, structure, literature searches, quote collating and important information I want to include. In total - my own writing across these documents cover over 33,000 words...(and this isn't including my many dissertation draft attempts and preliminary work and documents I have already uploaded in previous blog posts)...making it an actual total of nearly 50,000 words...I needed to write that - as it is RIDICULOUS! I have put all of these documents into one...if ever you have a spare year on your hands - feel free to have a peruse through the 97 pages :)
Final thoughts I need to remember that this project means something to me. My subject matter is something that I am really interested in and i have learnt so much from all of this therefore I need to understand that it hasn't all been a waste of time. I am proud of myself despite not being where i want to be with it all. It is a really difficult topic and I had to go through all of this as it is the only way I know how. The background knowledge I have gained and my attempts at structuring my essay, as well as the sections and quotes etc - is all helping me do this, no matter how slow writing my final dissertation may be.
A new release from British musician, producer and DJ Bonobo "Kerala" cleverly uses cinematography from director Bison in its music video, a visual representation of the struggles undergone during a bad psychedelic induced "trip". What strikes me about this music video is how the visual experience itself for the audience helps to encapsulate the mental difficulties sometimes experienced as a result of taking psychedelic substances - the repetition being a struggle to watch, to make sense of, as well as the difficulty in first spotting the surreal aspects / hallucination elements depicted in the video. The mind really can play tricks on you. Please watch this! Below are is a list of the surreal elements as they appear in the video - things to watch out for and get your head around. 0:00 - meteor
1:00 - rock levitating
1:05 - man on bench feeds nonexistent birds
1:50 - building floating, rotating
2:02 - door caves in
2:15 - man in restaurant's eyes glow
2:27 - tv footage shows the video about 30 seconds into the future flipped horizontally
2:42 - man crossing street duplicates
2:50 - restaurant sign foreshadows building fire
3:03 - car gradually changes colour
3:06 - man floating in sky
3:16 - fire in building
3:28 - solar eclipse
3:46 - people standing in a grid pattern, looking up
3:57 - birds take flight (or are they humans?)
This video brings to the audience a sense of the possible psychosis experienced when participating in a psychedelic trip- something which in itself has proved notoriously difficult to explain by the subjects who experience it. Maybe this has a message which coincides with mine - the possible dangers of the psychedelic experience if someone is to ignore the importance of 'set and setting', an unguided experience - something which is key if wanting to gain therapeutic value when experiencing altered states of consciousness and one commonly overlooked during recreational use of psychedelic plant based substances.
I recently just received the following email from the Psychedelic Society:
In the name of COP research, I plan on trying to make it to a few of these events listed here, especially the ones in London later this month and into the beginning of December. There haven't been any locally in Leeds or back home in Cambridge for quite some time, therefore I want to make the most of this opportunity and see how the psychedelic renaissance is being communicated and what the "hot topics" of discussion are in these public events. I am hoping that these visits (including exhibitions, academic talks and open meet & greet discussions) will help answer questions I have about my research project, open up a useful dialogue between me and leading practitioners / scientists / therapists in the field (which could also feature within my dissertation somehow in the form of interviews / answered surveys, etc) which in turn will help me with both the written and practical elements of this module.
Aim: To bring together the natural plant based psychedelic substances and the corresponding psychedelic experience to be had on each. This is to challenge the impersonal, negative and unnatural common "drug" stigma and illegality attached to these substances - by focusing on the beauty of nature in the hope of reconnecting and educating the audience. Concept:
A botanical illustration of each of the core psychedelic plants:
Each botanical illustration will feature as individual pages within a book publication.
Each of these botanical illustration pages will be bound as pockets within the book, where a small publication corresponding with each of the botanical illustrations can be housed within.
These small pull out publications will feature the psychedelic experience to be had on each of the substances / the journey undertaken by the subject.
Each of these small pull out publications will be conceptual artwork based on case studies sourced through primary research - promoting the personal and real relationship between substance and subject.
Aesthetic: * Botanical Illustrations: - Detailed depiction of what each plant naturally looks like * Small pull out publication: - Psychedelic - Personal - (this will be difficult to depict) Additional proposals / further ideas
Instead of the pocket book (above), a publication could be filled with botanical illustrations of each substance, with a centre spread featuring a pull out larger poster of the psychedelic experience which is initially folded to fit the format of the book, but then could unfold and detach from the publication. This pull out would be a printed poster of the psychedelic experience.
Selected artworks could be made into screen prints collection
Botanical artwork prints: Educational
Psychedelic experience prints: Reportage?
Key rings for each psychedelic plant: woodcut / laser cut
Postcards: Min versions of the artwork / prints
Notes
The problems I am having at this stage:
I am not sure how to visual portray the psychedelic experience
Who are my audience?
Will anyone want this artwork?
I do not want my artwork to be stereotypically "psychedelic" - but how do I represent a psychedelic experience without this aesthetic (The experience is surreal in nature - branching away from this is not true to what has been experienced -however due to the experience being so far removed from the norm - I am worried the audience will not get it / struggle to relate or understand)
